Through most of my working life, I was fortunate to have structured career conversations — the kind that focused on recognising achievements, identifying development opportunities, and exploring a clear “next move”.

I’ve always been ambitious and committed to growing as a senior leader.

But interestingly, I’d never really aspired to sit right at the very top of the org chart.

Then organisational change made that a possibility.

What followed were multiple conversations with senior leaders and peers, all reinforcing the same message: this was a fantastic opportunity, one I should absolutely step into and relish!

Something I had never actively pursued suddenly felt like the ultimate move.

Not because my values had shifted.
Not because my sense of purpose had deepened.

But because, without real awareness, my ego had quietly stepped in and taken the lead.

In hindsight, it wasn’t the right choice for me.
And while the decision looked logical and impressive on paper, it wasn’t aligned with who I was or how I wanted to lead.

It was a powerful lesson, one I see play out often in leadership.

Because under pressure, the ego doesn’t announce itself.
It doesn’t shout.
It whispers.

And if we’re not paying attention, it can drive decisions long before awareness catches up.

As Adam Grant puts it:

Ego becomes problematic not when leaders are confident, but when confidence turns into self-protection.

According to Harvard Business Review, unchecked ego can:

Quietly erode performance long before KPIs show it

• Reduce openness to feedback
• Distort decision-making
• Undermine trust and psychological safety
• That inner shift takes energy.

“Ego is the enemy of good leadership when it prevents learning, listening, and adapting.”
— Harvard Business Review

A simple model: Ego as a self-awareness gap

One of the most useful ways to understand ego in leadership is through the Johari Window — a model of self-awareness that highlights what we know about ourselves versus what others experience.

As leadership thinker Jim Collins observed in his research on enduring companies:

“The best leaders channel their ego away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great organisation.”

The Hidden Leadership Skill: Transition Awareness

High-performing leaders aren’t just good at execution.

They’re good at shifting states with intention.

They notice when they need to:

• Slow their nervous system before a difficult conversation
• Switch from problem-solver to listener
• Step out of urgency and into clarity
• Reset after intensity instead of carrying it forward

This is what I call connected leadership — staying aware of yourself while staying effective with others.

3 Steps to Build Ego Awareness for Continual Leadership Growth

1. Notice Your Triggers

Defensive

Impatient

The need to prove or justify

These are often ego signals, not competence gaps.

Ask yourself: What am I protecting right now?

2. Shift from “I” to “we”

Language shapes culture.

Consciously:

• Credit others
• Ask before asserting
• Replace “Here’s what I think” with “What am I missing?”

Ego shrinks when curiosity grows.

3. Invite challenge — and mean it

Strong leaders don’t just say they’re open to feedback — they reward it.

Create one regular forum where:

• Dissent is safe
• Different perspectives are welcomed
• You model learning, not certainty

That’s where trust — and performance — deepen.

A Final Thought

Ego isn’t the enemy. Unexamined ego is.

Leadership today isn’t about being the smartest person in the room — it’s about being the most self-aware.

Because when leaders grow in awareness, teams grow in confidence, and organisations grow in results.