Content note: This newsletter briefly references suicide and experiences of mental ill-health. Please choose whether reading on is right for you today.
Last week in Australia, we marked R U OK? Day.
For my readers outside Australia, R U OK? Day falls on the second Thursday of September. It encourages us to check in with the people around us, create space for honest conversations and recognise that psychological health deserves the same attention as physical health.
The story behind those four words began with loss.
After Gavin Larkin lost his father, Barry, to suicide, he began championing a simple question:
“Are you OK?”
What started as an idea in 2009 became a national movement built around the belief that a conversation can change a life.
We’ve come a long way
Over my 20+ years working in HR and leadership, I’ve seen a significant shift in how we talk about mental health at work.
I remember partnering with our WHS team to train leaders to recognise when a colleague might be struggling and understand how to respond.
We talked about noticing changes in behaviour
Someone normally engaged becoming withdrawn. Someone calm becoming unusually reactive. Changes in attendance, communication or performance..
For leaders who hadn’t experienced this personally, it could feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
- Is it my place to ask?
- Am I crossing the line between professional and personal?
- And what if they tell me they’re not OK?
We now have much greater recognition of psychological health in Australian workplaces, including obligations around psychosocial hazards and the introduction of the Right to Disconnect.
But policies and legislation can only take us so far.
Culture is created in the everyday moments between people.
And I learned that lesson personally.
I didn’t realise I was the one struggling
At the time I was delivering this training, I didn’t realise that I would be the 1 in 4 people (a statistic we presented at the time) to go on to experience significant suffering myself.
I knew the signs.
I was literally teaching other people to recognise them.
And yet I didn’t recognise—or perhaps didn’t want to recognise—them in myself.
So I kept going.
Until my physiology started making the decision for me.
- Tears streaming down my face during a senior leadership meeting—and being completely unable to stop them.
- Crying uncontrollably in a car park without really understanding why.
- No matter how much I rested, I never felt less tired.
Still, I kept going.
Until one day I physically couldn’t get out of bed.
I wanted to move.
My body wouldn’t.
At the time it was frightening and incredibly confusing.
Eventually, I had to acknowledge that I needed to seek help.
And with that support I shared, listened, learned and made choices to support myself.
Competence doesn’t make us limitless
Because there is a leadership lesson in it that I think is incredibly important.
Why am I sharing something so personal?
Someone can be highly competent, capable and seemingly in control—and still be struggling.
Everyone has a limit, and it is different for everyone.
And sometimes we don’t even know when we’re approaching our own limits. Which is a real leadership opportunity.
This isn’t about blame.
I was fortunate to have incredible support around me, both at home and at work, for which I remain enormously grateful. Yet was there room for improvement, of course.
And, with the benefit of hindsight, those experiences played a part in leading me towards the work I do today.
I’ve now had the privilege of supporting leaders to recognise some of these patterns earlier and navigate them more proactively.
If that helps even one person avoid reaching the point I did, that’s a win.
Reflection for Leaders
So this month, I’d encourage you to reflect:
How well do you really know the people you lead?
Would you notice if something was slightly “off”?
Are you creating enough space to notice—or are you moving too quickly yourself?
And perhaps there’s one more question worth asking.
How are you, really? (Because who is checking in on you?)
Sometimes the person who needs us to notice the signals is ourselves.
PS: If you, a colleague or a loved one are struggling, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Support is always available:
- Lifeline — Call 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14 — 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention
- Beyond Blue — 1300 22 4636 — 24/7 mental health support and counselling
- Suicide Call Back Service — 1300 659 467 — 24/7 support for those at risk of suicide
- Kids Helpline — 1800 55 1800 — 24/7 counselling for ages 5–25
- MensLine Australia — 1300 78 99 78 — 24/7 support for men
Join the conversation: What’s one judgment you’re working on dropping? Hit reply and share—I’d love to hear from you.
Need support building a kinder, more connected team culture? Book a discovery call with me!